Post Black Friday ... finally.

Ok, so I understand this post is long overdue. Like most things in life, I left this blog and never really looked back, however, I put a somewhat significant amount of effort in trying to update it, make it look presentable, etc. So I knew it was significant when the damn thing kept popping into my head. It went something like this:

Brain: "Upppdaaate yoooour blooog."
Me: Oh yeah, gotta go do that.
Brain: Dooooo ittttt nowwww
Me: But I'm watching Netflix..
Brain: Frrroooot Loooops.

So yeah, basically it was this circular conversation, and I just kept putting it off. And yeah, for the record when I hear my brain talk to me, it has a zombie/ghost of Christmas past tone for whatever reason.

Anyway, for my non-poker playing friends; On Apr 15, online poker was effectively shut down for U.S. only players playing on the two largest poker sites: Poker Stars and Full Tilt Poker.

Now, supposedly Full Tilt was the more reputable of the two companies, boasting big name talents like Phil Ivey, Gus Hansen, Patrik Antonius and a slew of other high-profile online pros..

However as of the date on this article, Full Tilt has yet to pay back its customers. Millions (or thousands, who knows) of players have their "bankrolls," locked up by Full Tilt and the good ole Department of Justice.

For yours truly, that means about $570 locked up online, which, for an online micro-stakes grinder, equals a hefty sum. The good news is that its replaceable. The bad news is that it was originally $1000 and given on a loan basis. The good news is that my loan shark is a very loving and caring shark.So, as far as poker goes, that is it for my journey. Well, for now... as a wise person probably said somewhere, "Where one door closes, another opens."

I truly believe that. I've waited a solid 4 months for something to happen with online poker and all I have seen is a bunch of scandals and a ton of fuckery. None of this gets me any closer to being able to pursue the dream.

My back up plan goes as follows: With no reliable way to make a few extra bucs per month to help out my hard working beauty queen of a wife, I have taken a second job working for at a gas station near my house. I hate it, but so far its working out well.

I tell myself every time I walk into those doors:

"that this is simply going to be an exercise in discipline building. It's going to suck, you will need to stand for most of the shift, on graveyard nights you cannot fall asleep, but this is the way it needs to be for now... You want to be able to record music and play cards? Ok buddy, well then you need to put in some fucking work."

And just like that, my shift begins and ends a few hours after that. I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to work and help take care of my family because NOT being able to, is just too shitty of a feeling.

Ok onto some good news, that good good:

"Black Friday," as it was labeled by poker nerds all over the world, did bring a few immediate positives into my life: I began to do a lot more work on the music front. Recorded a few more songs, developed some new concepts and ideas for upcoming projects, and actually put a show together for the first time. It probably should be a whole separate entry but its been almost a month now, and all the details aren't clear. Plus, we are debating or putting together how to do the next show. So here is the Cliffs notes:

My friends have LOTS of music. As an honest fan and critic of the music I try to lend my opinion to which ones are dope and "ready" for public consumption. On the side I am also developing this Hugo Justice character, which is really just a manifestation of some inner thoughts of mine but presented in a particular way. I feel like they have put in a lot of work musically, and are decent enough to find a platform to get to a next level producer/artist that can help them further develop into complete artists ... if they want to do that of course, which all signs indicate 'yes'.

Even though it was not a smashing success, I was more than thrilled with how the final product came out. I guess not getting booed off stage was a big accomplishment for me.

I only performed one verse off one song, but that makes sense because as far as recorded material goes they are years ahead of me. I like that everyone got a chance to showcase their skills. As far as I know, it was one of our bigger shows, opening up for Slum Village, which is a pretty big underground hip-hop act.

Me and Acecy are doing better. I feel like we are stronger, even if we still fight sometimes, it feels a lot less intense now and shorter periods. I hope that is just a part of getting to know each other more than we thought we did before and dealing with problems in new ways. She truly is the love of my life, and even though married life can make a nigga bitter or fucked up, no one does the things she does for me or does them with as much finesse or style as her. I pray I never lose her.

Other than that, its just back to work and chasing the dream.

As a comical side note, I couldn't take not being able to play poker online. At first I needed to take a break, but once I felt mentally prepared to go at it again, I couldn't. Live poker is a possibility but it requires a bankroll and I just wont be full prepared to play live again until I can come up with that bankroll on my own, and continue to just play on impulse. Surprisingly, that has been one of my bigger/only (along with the relationship stuff) successes.

Oh the comical side note? I started playing Zynga poker pretty hard core. It's almost shameful to admit, but flopping a set on my Droid felt disgustingly GREAT! Luckily, I quickly realized that other smaller online sites still allow U.S. players to play for money.

So I'm gonna take like $15 bucs and start trying to build up playing penny poker. That's how I did it the first time, at the very least I think I'll get some relief from these withdrawls.

I feel big things are in store for me in poker, as long as I keep the right state of mind and stay hungry for knowledge. I've just also realized how far away from those goals I am. I'm nowhere near them, but just by keeping them in my mind, somewhere in there flowing around with the other pointless bullshit that swims around my head, if I can just keep it in mind like I did this blog, it will come back to me, and it will flourish into whatever success is destined to come.

Thanks for reading. I promise more picutres and pretty/interesting stuff to look at soon.