Lost & Found on the road to Self-Improvment

Since my last post, my brain has been feeling like a combination of oatmeal and baby poo. I can't seem to commit or decide on anything. In regards to my last post, success has not yet been achieved. I guess its just been easier to stick with the same old routine.

However, I think I've discovered a leak in my approach ... wanting. I want to do good, I want to be a better person, I want, I want, I want. Obviously, wanting shit is not enough ... except, and here's the beauty, it is enough.

I was going to make this a drawn out, wah wah, woe is me blog, but I've had a change of heart. Writing about my troubles is no longer therapeutic because I've realized how trivial my troubles truly tend to be (nice alliteration!)

My biggest problem right now is my mind. Just because I feel weak or sad, does not mean I am allowed to become weak and sad. That's the biggest no, no. Rule #1. I am not my mind. I must continue the path of freeing myself from its grip. You see ... emotions like fear, insecurity, anger, jealousy are like diseases. And if my goal is to eliminate them from my mind, or to have a healthier mind,I just need to do so. Don't want to feel depressed? Then, stop it! Sick of telling yourself to stop eating fast food? Stop eating that shit! Obviously if something serious happens ie the death of loved one, getting in a car accident, stubbing your toe etc it will be normal to feel sad or upset. That's pretty natural and has its place in the world.

But shit like regret over dysfunctional relationships (check), frustration over not being able to control your emotions/actions/thoughts (check, check, check), and similar thought patterns are HUGE wasters of time.

I am lucky to have my health, my son and a goal. My happiness should derive from growing all 3 into fruition. It should be obvious by now, but I need to remind myself to constantly be vigilant and avoid the pitfalls of self-pity and immediate gratification.

Become a better me because I can be, not because I think I'm supposed to be... that sounds like a decent mantra...